Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Change is in the air
Big changes around here. It's been a week now since I stopped working as a doula. That's right: I sold my part of the business back to my partners and I'm currently unemployed.
I keep waiting to miss it but right now all I feel is relief.
Everyone I tell seems shocked. Every time I share on social media another person asks why? I've met so many people in the last 5 years, people who know me as a mom because I met them through playgroups or kid activities or school. Or they know me as a doula because I met them at events or they are clients and invited me into their pregnancy, labour, or early postpartum.
I'm going back to my government job I tell them. And I watch as their view of me shifts. I'm not just a mom or a doula. I'm also a scientist. A biologist.
It feels weird to say because that was me from a long time ago. I've changed so much. It must feel weird for them too, to have me be something different that I've always been to them.
It's like when you find out someone's maiden name. Or that they use to live in a different city. Or any other big difference. Shifting realities.
My world is changing. My head is slowly wrapping around the fact that come January I will be at a desk for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I won't be woken up in the middle of the night contractions are 3 minutes apart. We need you now.
J and I are prepping the kids for the idea that mom will go to work just like dad. They don't know me as someone who works a regular 9-5 job either. Who's going to take us to school? Who's going to pick us up? Work in progress, kids.
We'll figure it out. We always do.
I admit: there are some things I am looking forward to. More money. Predictable work hours. No mid-night phone calls. No overnights in the hospital. Evenings and weekends free. Paid sick days. Coworkers to chat with.
There are definitely things I will miss, too. Getting the kids to school and picking them up. Doing Costco runs during the day. Sipping tea with Sandy in the afternoons. Squeezing an episode of tv between tasks. Helping new moms settle in to life with baby. Witnessing a life begin.
Life not only begins, life goes on. The season of my life is changing as it has before and will again.
I'm taking this month to sit. To relax. To enjoy. To plan. To prepare. To put away my doula things. To get ready for working life. To sink into the holidays in a way I haven't been able to do in the past few years.
In January I will put on my work shoes and walk into my new (old) life. But now I sit. I enjoy. I marvel at all I've accomplished over the last 5 years. I see how far I've come.
Here's to new beginnings, to change.