My great expectations | The Life of K: My great expectations

Monday, September 2, 2013

My great expectations

Earlier this summer I wrote up a post about my great expectations for Greta's blog, GFunkified. She gets all sorts of bloggers for this series and I'm so happy to have taken part. I wanted to share it here too and get your thoughts on friendship. 
 
You know the saying “always a bridesmaid, never a bride”? That’s not me at all. Never mind the fact that I’ve been both a bride once and a bridesmaid once, it’s the sentiment I’m talking about. I haven’t been a bridesmaid often because I’m not a good friend.
 
I expected to grow old with my best friend from when I was 5. Or my 3 best friends from when I was 10. By high school I think part of me knew I wasn’t great at the whole friendship thing because I just couldn’t wait to get to university to start over. Who did I want to be? Who were my forever friends?

I got to university and I did what I always do: stay on the fringe. I made friends, lots of them, I was friendly with everyone from my dorm, but didn’t make any great friends. That left me scrambling to find roommates when groups were forming and I wasn’t included. I ended up living with strangers who became friends, but not forever friends.

I spent the next three years wishing I was back in my home town, wishing for university to be over, so I could move on and move in with my then-boyfriend. I sailed through university never cultivating good friendships because everything felt so temporary. I made friends and went out and enjoyed myself, but I didn’t dig in.

I finished university, grabbed my degree, and ran home. I was married after a couple months to my best friend. At the time we were hanging out with a group of guys my husband knows from high school. Over the years the group expanded to include girlfriends. We were the first of that group to get married and the first to have kids. Once we had our first baby we drifted away from that group, unable or unwilling to do the things we always did together.

The group now is still intact, most of the guys are now married and some have kids. You’d think we would have reconnected now that we’re in similar stages, but we haven’t, and I think it’s because we were never great friends in the first place.

That’s the thing: we were never great friends because I wasn’t a good friend. I was, and still am in a way, looking forward to the next big thing. I am unable to live in the moment and really look around me.

Don’t get me wrong though. It’s not that I don’t have any friends. I have lots of friends, some really great ones too. I just expected to have that group of people who have known me my whole life, or a roommate from university that I bonded with, or a friend from a sports team from when I was young.

I’m lucky to have found one forever friend in my husband, but I never found the forever friends I’ve always been looking for, that I always expected I’d have. At least I don’t have a closet full of dresses I’ll never wear again.

Tell me, do you have a group of friends you've known forever or are you more like me and make friends wherever you go and haven't had the same friends for very long? I'd love to know.

8 comments:

  1. Being online has changed friendships for me, now I have a group of friends that I talked to and see regularly. I have one friend from high school that I'm still in touch with, maybe one or two more on Facebook. I'm not good at keeping in touch with people, or I wasn't until social media came along. It's so much easier to write.

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    1. I agree! A lot of my friends don't write much though so they know all about me but I don't know much about them.

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  2. I've never been a bridesmaid! Kind of shocking really.

    I've had circles of friends over the years - high school, university and now 'Ottawa friends'. I still talk to my high school group - but since I live 5 hrs away from them, I rarely see them anymore and that kind of makes me sad at times. I rarely see my university friends, but we all live scattered across the country (some don't even live in Canada anymore). Ottawa friends is what I'm lacking in - especially now that I've had to leave my school and go to a new one. I have friends - but not ones like my high school friends where I can call and say "want to watch TV" or hang out with the kids. Happens every once and awhile, but not really.

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    1. I don't have anyone that I can just have over to watch tv. I miss university for that when having roommates was built in company for meals and tv. It isn't easy making friends as adults.

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  3. I've always considered you a friend ... and always will.

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  4. To be honest I am a lot like you, I thought it was just me! Mainly because of moving so much (from Phoenix to Italy to California now) but when I am in the NOW and I do put my self out there I get burned so I just stopped and have thought the last few years that it just wasn't worth it. I guess I have lost hope in "forever" friends.

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  5. I think as we get older it's harder to cultivate really close friendships. My childhood and high school friendships were very intense - I shared everything with those girls, and they were my world. But after I became pregnant and had children (and moved to another city!) a lot of those friendships have faded away. I have many new friends here in Ottawa, but it's not the same intensity. I don't call these friends in tears over every little concern. In fact, I probably don't call enough when I could truly use a shoulder to lean on. Motherhood in our society is isolating and hard. Friendships take a lot of work and are a lot of give and take :) I hope you find some forever friends as you move forward in your life!!

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