Dilemma | The Life of K: Dilemma

Thursday, October 28, 2010


I need your help.

I'm on Facebook just like everybody else. Some people I know, including J, have recently deleted their accounts because of privacy concerns. I didn't go that far, but I don't upload pictures and decided to trim down my list of "friends".

This morning I got a message from an old friend asking why I deleted her. I'm really not sure how to deal with it. Do I get into a big thing about my reasoning? Do I simply re-add her?

She's upset enough to send me a message and I hate the idea that I hurt someone. But honestly? We haven't spoken in years (years!) and I cannot remember the last time I saw her. I deleted almost everyone like her from my list. Why do I have to answer to her?

J says to ignore it and not answer her message. I'm tempted but I feel bad even considering it. What would you do?

Edited to add: Thank you for all your comments. I decided to send her a quick message because I couldn't just leave it. I think it would haunt me. Now I feel better.


  1. Good for you! I'm so happy to hear that people are starting to evaluate their online privacy situation.

    I wouldn't re-add her, I think I'd send a note. She might not be that upset and just curious to know what happened.

    I wouldn't make it very long. Just a couple of lines saying that you're trimming your list due to privacy concerns and that it's nothing personal. Perhaps link to a relevant article on Facebook privacy? (I'm sure that J can supply one if you need it)

    On the other hand, if it's clear that she's actually upset about being de-friended then I'd just ignore it. I don't know about you, but I tend to avoid inviting drama into my life...

  2. I would ignore it. I don't get upset if people I never talk to delete me. I cut down my list awhile ago too. Need to do it again actually!

  3. Just the thought of this happening makes me uncomfortable, too. I haven't found myself in this situation yet, but I have a feeling I'd probably send a message along the lines of what Alan said ... I'm trimming my list to people I am in regular contact with ... apologies, but that's how it is, sort of thing.
    Glad I'm still on your friend list ;)

  4. Heya,

    No need to feel bad, nobody is actually invested in each other as people in this situation....it's the principal of the thing that may (MAY) be bothering her, so you can clear it up with a "hey, just switching my facebook to people I talk to all the time to make it easier to manage, hope all is well, take care, bye" and then never talk to her again. You don't owe her an explanation, but if it'll make you feel better you can let her know.

    Likely she just shot off the message to you on impulse and actually hasn't given it any thought. Maybe she's a facebook friend collecter. If it turns out she's actually twisted in knots over this and makes a stink about it, ongoing, then you will have confirmation that A) this is not the tool to use to stay in contact with loose a acqaintances and B) this chick does not need to take up rent-free space in your brain, cut her loose. I imagine it's all more casual than that though.

    Liek you said, it's been years, so it's not like you have anything really serious at stake, I would treat it as such.

    Good luck!!!!!!

  5. I think so too - just tell her what you've said here (and what Alan said too)- that you're trimming your list to close friends only due to privacy concerns and you didn't mean to offend her. Since you'll likely never talk to her again, it won't really matter if she is offended. Think she reads your blog??
    It's funny - i just advised Tyler to add more people (but it's different for him i guess, we want him to reach people through his fan page!)

  6. If you think you will rekindle a friendship with her, than you might want to respond with a heartfelt comment.

    If not, then just go on living your lovely life. You can respond by saying you are just keeping your friends list to close family and friends you speak with regularly. Then block her. ;)

  7. Ugh. Yet another reason I quit FB. I would be honest with her, but in a respectful way. Who knows, maybe you guys will start talking again and build a stronger relationship. If not, well no big loss right?