Called Out | The Life of K: Called Out

Monday, August 30, 2010

Called Out

A coworker called me out last week for changing from the girl in the lunchroom who hated all talk of baby to being the girl who talks about her baby. My feathers are still ruffled.

Maybe I did myself a disservice, maybe I did my friends and coworkers a disservice, when I didn't openly talk about trying to get pregnant. Imagine wanting something so badly and being totally unable to have it. Would you go and surround yourself with that thing? I don't think so. You avoid it lest you cry in your heated up left overs in front of people you only know because you share a common work space.

Guess what? I had problems getting pregnant. It took almost 2 solid years of trying and a visit to a fertility clinic. I'm telling you this so that you'll understand me a little better. Maybe now you'll understand why I never talked about kids before and would gladly change the topic any chance I got. Now, well now my life is different. Anyone who had a baby will tell you that their life is different. It's impossible to not be changed by a little person you brought into the world.

It's impossible also to not be changed by infertility. I'm not alone in my struggles but it still isn't something I want to talk about on this blog or to my coworkers for the most part. Infertility, like many diseases and health problems, can be very isolating. I felt isolated.

I felt cheated and hurt and everyone around me was pregnant and popping out babies and what was wrong with me? Luckily it turns out that nothing is wrong with me but that's not always the case for people with infertility, which is defined as the inability to get pregnant after a year of trying, 6 months if you're over 30. That could be 35.. I wasn't in that age group so I'm not sure.

I'm no expert on infertility and I urge you, if you are struggling with it, to look elsewhere for information, though, if you need someone to talk to, someone who's somewhat been there, feel free to contact me. You are not alone. Believe me.

For now, I'm the girl gushing about her amazing little boy. I'm the girl incubating #2. I'm the girl who dealt with infertility and a miscarriage after eventually getting pregnant. All these things make me the person I am today. I wouldn't hope that anyone has to go through either infertility or miscarriage, but it happens and it happens more often than you know.

So maybe, dear coworker (who doesn't read this blog), you could watch what you say. Sure I've changed but I think I have a damn good reason.

4 comments:

  1. Haven't commented in a while (rss feeds mean I don't read on your page anymore) but this brought me out of the weeds. Just wanted to applaud your strength and the courage to write this post. You certainly do have a damn good reason to have changed, as if a reason is even necessary. Go ahead and talk about your bab(y|ies) as much as you like!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's kind of you to share your experience. I'm similarly "The girl who doesn't like to be around babies" in my office ... because the probability of having my own seems small given my current circumstances. I don't exactly want to be poked in that sore spot repeatedly. But I'm working on accepting my world the way it is and appreciating the lives of others the way they are ... to maybe be able to share in some of that happiness with them.

    Speaking of which, I can't wait to see you and yours when I'm home :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Of course you've changed and there's nothing wrong with talking about your little man! people need to keep some thoughts to themselves!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Alan and The Full Nelson: Thank you.

    Quackattack: It's hard to share in happiness that you want for yourself and can't/don't have. I think everyone's been there.
    I also think it shows great strength to be that kind of person. Something maybe we can all aspire to.

    ReplyDelete