The power of pictures | The Life of K: The power of pictures

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The power of pictures

I feel like I've been in a bit of a slump lately. I'm still trying to figure this whole staying home with baby thing and take stock of who I am as a person. Sound deep? Maybe it is.

Staying home with baby was not on my list of life goals nor was it something I thought I'd enjoy. Most days, I do enjoy it. I like not having the morning rush of getting ready, getting lunch ready, remembering to put on mascara, hopping in the car and making it to work hopefully on time, just to slug through 8 hours and come home and dread doing it all again the next day.

The thing with the morning rush and going to work every day is that you have purpose. You get to see people and talk about something other than your baby's bowel movements. You can go out for lunch and have a beer or work on a project that you feel passionate about and get things accomplished.

My days are remarkably similar to one another. I wake up when the baby does and basically do things for him until J comes home. He eats and plays and I change him when he needs it. I rotate him through his bouncer and jumper and excersaucer and the mat and his bumbo. I read to him and sing to him and dance him around the house. We go to classes and playgroup and out for walks.

I brush my teeth when he's done eating, I eat while he sleeps, I shower probably half the days (during the day I mean). I look forward to 4:30 when J comes through the door to see my boys reunited and so I can have a minute to myself.

The days are long and sometimes boring, but I love it. I love being home and seeing Baby J do new things every day. I love knowing that I am providing for him, making him grow big and strong and keeping him smiling and giggling and an obviously happy boy. Then why is it that some days all I want is to be back at work?

I think it's a case of the grass is greener. I miss work, mostly the people, the adult interaction, the sense of purpose and accomplishing tasks and doing them well. I miss learning new things and having things to say. But I know if I was back at work I would miss being home more.

So what I do I do for the next 4 months until it's time to trade in my sweat pants and tee shirt for work clothes, messy lunches in the kitchen for scheduled 30 minutes at my desk?

Enjoy it! Sure there are things I want that I don't have right now. That's true for everyone, no matter what they're doing. I enjoy being home with my little man. I enjoy doing activities with other moms and babies and going for leisurely walks around the neighbourhood. I like not having mundane tasks that are a part of every desk job. I like keeping my family going, food in the house, clean laundry in the dressers.

And what it took for me to realize all of this, pictures. We use Picasa to organize our pictures. Picasa has face recognition software and last night I went through all the pictures of myself. I was able to see all the things we've done over the past 7 years (since we got a digital camera). It rejuvenated me.

It reminded me of the things I've done, the places I've been, the things I've seen. It reminded me that I am more than just a mom who stays home changing dirty diapers and cleaning the house. This is just another adventure, another time in my life, and someday I will look back at this time fondly. I'll go through the pictures from these 12 months and smile and laugh and remember how good it was.

So I will keep taking pictures, keep trying new things and meeting new people, and along the way, I will find out more about myself and who I want to be. Right now, I am a stay at home mom.

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