Struggling | The Life of K: Struggling

Saturday, December 19, 2009


I've been struggling lately with my mind, my thoughts. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster that I thought would end 3 months ago with the birth of my baby. Apparently, not so. I was expecting the ups and downs during pregnancy, though I was also expecting to crave pickles and ice cream but that didn't happen. Knowing that I would be happy and sad and sometimes irrational and more emotional than ever helped me deal with it. Now, I'm not quite sure how to get through the bad days.

But I do.

On the bad days, it's hard to remember the good things. The reasons I do what I do. It's hard to remember to eat something healthy because maybe that will make me feel better. Or to leave the house, even if it takes forever to get bundled up and it's freezing outside, because that will make me happy.

Thankfully I have a good support system. I emailed J one day warning him that I was sad. He emailed me back right away and told me I was pretty. I went and spent an afternoon with my coworkers to celebrate CB's pregnancy. I stopped at the mailbox this week and found a thick envelope with the cutest little sweater sent from way up north (thanks M&R!) for my little guy. SJ came over and hung out yesterday afternoon and last night I spent hours just chatting with my baseball girls.

It's the little things and I try and keep everything in perspective. Some days I'm running around, not eating enough and I haven't had the time to shower and why won't you sleep, baby?, covered in puke. Other days, I'm running around to see people, talking and laughing and having a great time.

It's about balance. It's about finding the time to get things done and not caring when those things don't. It's about spending time with my boys and spending time without my boys. It's about remembering to eat well and to get some exercise and take care of my body but also veg out when I can. It's remembering that my life is really great and that there will be bad days but there will also be great days. The good days always outnumber the bad ones, with or without the struggle.

1 comment:

  1. Well said, K. :)

    You've got a good network of people who care about you, so don't ever forget how important you are to us.

    Keep looking up. *hugs*