Silly mama bear | The Life of K: Silly mama bear

Friday, November 27, 2009

Silly mama bear

Before having a kid I didn't get it. I didn't really like kids or babies and certainly didn't know what to do around them. Whenever a coworker would come in after having their baby, I would ask how they were, hardly looking at their little one. Children were just such an unknown thing to me. My "little" brother is 18 months younger than me, practically the same age.

My only experience with babies is holding one, once. It was my best friend growing up, she got knocked up when we were sixteen. We were inseparable from kindergarden until my family moved across town when I was 10. We stayed in touch but grew apart. And then the teen pregnancy... we've never been close since. She now has 5 kids and is working on the 6th. I have a highschool and a university education, a great job, an awesome husband and now, a great little boy. I'm not bragging - I'm just highlighting how different we are. Anyways, when her first was born, I went over there with my mom and held her baby. I was scared to move, scared to breathe, scared in general.

Fastforward twelve years... A month before Baby J was born, S&L had their boy, Baby R. J and I went to see them when they got out of the hospital. S asked if I wanted to hold the baby and went to hand him to me. No! I had to be sitting down first. Babies break, you know? So I held the baby once my butt was firmly planted on the couch, but was still scared. I didn't move.

Let me tell you - it's SO much easier when it's your baby. You were there from day 1 and you have no choice. The midwife put the baby on my chest when he was born and that was that. I was a mom.

I never understood babies and never understood when people would say how having a baby changed their life and how they didn't know they could love someone so much. I get it now. I spend a lot of my time with a goofy smile on my face just watching my boy. You can practically see him getting smarter. One day he is staring at his hand, an intent look on his face, and the next his hand is in his mouth. Now he's sucking his thumb. My heart melts when I look at him and especially when I see him and J together. My boys.

I always knew J would be a good dad just like I always knew we'd get married and get a house and have kids. Sometimes you just know. He has definitely lived up to my expectations. You see him holding the baby, just looking at him with a smile on his face. Their faces both light up when J comes home from work and they're reunited after a long day.

I like to think that I'm the same, the same person I always was. I'm not but I think I'm better for having a kid. I think it changed me in only good ways. Sure, I'm hardly up to date on the goings on of the world and I can more easily talk about poop than world politics. I might sometimes smell like sour milk and have greasy hair. But I have a little boy who smiles and giggles and is growing like a weed. I'm insanely proud of him and of myself and J. I get it.


  1. I'm currently where you were-Meaning I don't get the whole "baby" thing. But if my husband and I do decide to take that leap, I hope we're as happy as you and your husband. :)